Black Leaf Falls

Sea Wolf

This is probably my favorite song by Sea Wolf. I think it's perfect. "I'd love you anywhere, but black leaf falls." Interpret it any way you want. My thoughts... circumstance get in the way of even the best intentions. 

I feel like when you're young, things change so rapidly from year to year, that it's hard to keep up. You grasp at old leaves that are saved because of all the happy times you had over the years jumping in the leaves and throwing the leaves. But the colors fade and the leaves dry. But that doesn't mean the leaves aren't lovely and just as good as before. They are just different and you have to change with those leaves, which is hard. And what if you've changed so far beyond those leaves, that they end up just crumpling and disappearing into the dying grass? It's hard to say what the changing seasons hold...

I feel like also, it's so easy to place blame when your feelings are hurt. But I feel like I've started to see my own faults in the matter. Relationships with people are so hard. You have to calculate how you're feeling vs. how they are feeling vs. how you say what you need to say without hurting someone vs. you part in the problem. It's a hard game to play. 

Another thing, I get insecure about being replaced. I don't know why but I feel like I've always been that way since I was young. It probably comes from insecurities with myself and with problems that are occurring simultaneously... aka I get scared of new, fun/beer-loving friends that could offer the same company that I could. My own insecurities could ultimately lead to me pushing away those closest to me. 

I guess it's time to focus on myself and get back to those trails. Now if only I could find some near Aurora to accompany the home-made Indian food diet.

the future is such a sly minx.